Thursday, June 24

The Story of George and his Dirty, Dirty Paperwork

I am not going to sugar coat this for anyone.

You know it.  I know it.   And the guy you caught doing it- He knows it, too. 

It's weird to read in the bathroom at work.

Yesterday, as I walked out of the lady's room, a certain someone else was walking out of the men's room at that very moment.

"Oh hey, Georg- uh" Look down, smile, blush, walking faster. Did my jaw really just drop?  I hope he didn't notice, but come on- that's GROSS!

Why was Geroge holding paper work and a pen as he came out of the bathroom?  Not only does this force me to wonder why, but also to wonder what he did with it, and ultimately to get a mental picture of the whole horrible ordeal!

Maybe he just put it on the counter as he stopped to use the facilities on the way to a meeting.  Worse- maybe he put it on the floor next to his feet. (I wonder which way they were pointing- ohhh grosssss)  Even worse- and most likely the sick truth- He read the report I had just given him and marked it up with a poop pen!  My god, a Poop Pen!

At this point I am devastated.  Not only have I unmasked this sickening truth about George, but it could have been my report that he put on the floor when he needed free hands. 

I cannot get it out of my head.

I am sure I'll get over it eventually, especially with the beauty of email eliminating the chance of me ever coming into contact with that particular report.

ButT, I'll always have that mental picture-

George, the paperwork- the bathroom door swinging back and forth, back and forth in slow motion, my jaw dropping, eyes popping and that tiny, barely there, look of total shame in George's eyes as he looked from me to the paperwork to the small brass sign reading "MEN", when we both knew the real writing on the wall said, "I know what you did...sicko"

Painful silence ensued on the walk back to the office area.   There was just nothing left to say...

Some Other Work Bathroom No-Nos
*Talking on your phone while inside a stall- Weird.  Awkward for the rest of us and please understand we  are going to laugh about you later.

*Yoga- Deep breathing- enough said.

*Chatter involving anything more than 'hello, how are you?'- Don't expect an answer.  We're here for one thing and one thing only, and it's not to hear about the quilt you knitted for your cat.

*Not washing your hands- If you're guilty, know this- There is fecal matter ALL OVER the door, the stall, the everything- start washing!!!

Do you have a work bathroom story to share?  Leave a comment! ;) 

(Unless you're George- I know enough.)

Monday, June 21

The Importance of a Half

What would the super bowl be without a half-time show?  If there were no half gallons of milk, it would surely go bad.  I'd be willing to bet half my bologna sandwich that half of you out there have a 'better half'.

Chances are you forgot.  Forgot to get me the front part of a card, half a gift or a half eaten cake... 

It's okay though.  I've come to the realization after years and years of missed half birthdays, that no one is ever going to remember. Or care.

That's right people, today I am 2* and a half!  Not only does this mark the first day of summer and the summer solstice, but also another half year of my existence- which I think we're all pretty excited about?!

I probably sound pretty bratty at this point, asking everyone to celebrate a day that no one else really celebrates for themselves, but just wait- I have really great reasons behind my decision to continue to ask you to celebrate- year after year.

Reason #1. My actual Birthday is December 21st.  My entire life I have been called a "Christmas Baby".  Which is weird because I'm Jewish.  What's even more weird is that people use this fact to give me a single gift for both Chanukkah and my birthday.  NOT COOL!  Everyone else gets two, and so should I.  Do I sound like a brat yet?  Wait for reason #2.

Reason #2. My sister's half birthday lands on my cousin's actual birthday.  Coincidentally, this seems to happen every year...  Because of this fact, each year growing up, my parents would remember her half birthday and give her a card!  EVERY YEAR!  Do you know what they gave me on my half birthday? 

You guessed it- Nothing.

So this year, as I contemplated what I should do to celebrate my half birthday, I realized it was going to land the day after Father's day and the day before my other sister's Wedding anniversary.  Ug, I thought, another 1/2 birthday ruined.

But somewhere, during this past half year, I must have learned something about being less selfish and more selfless because all day long during father's day I did not mention anything about my upcoming, HUGE day.  Not more than once, anyway.  And by mentioning my sister's anniversary right here on this blog that everyone** reads, I am really giving her a huge shout out- Way to go, Jen and Robert, on two years of marriage!!! 

See?  I've grown up a lot- haven't I?  It's certainly a good day to reflect on that- seeing that it is my half birthday today...not sure if you had heard....

As you sit at your computer and do the math for 6 months after your birthday, I'll leave you with this Wikipedia definition.


A half-birthday is a day six months before or after the real anniversary of a person's birth.
Most half-birthdays go unremarked, but they may still be celebrated as a special day. Perhaps the most common use is by people whose birthday falls near holidays that are so widely celebrated they can overwhelm private anniversaries. People attending school sometimes celebrate half-birthdays if their real birthdays do not occur during the school year, so they can celebrate with friends and teachers at school.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, DAD, and to all the dads reading this!!!!!
Happy Anniversary, Jen and Robert!!!!!

Thursday, June 17

Springtime Spaghetti Served with a Side of Hell

My cousin has a cooking blog that she started when she lost her job months before I did.  Yes, I stole the idea.  She used to write in it at least once a week; delicious recipes, blender tips, sharing cookbooks, etc., but she hasn't posted a blog since April 26th. 

Do you know why I know this?  It's because I check it every day.  EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  Sometimes twice.

She shows up on my gmail friend list and I see her blog link teasing me every morning- 'click me, click me, maybe I have something new for you today'- so I inevitably do, because there's a point in the day for all of us when we're so bored we'll click anything.  And what pops up again and again but that Spring Time Spaghetti dish from April 26th.  In 6 days it won't even be spring anymore!  What about summer squash, cousin!?!  Why are you torturing me??  Oh the disappointment, the anger, the FRUSTRATION. 

And then the realization. 

My loyal readers are probably going through the same thing!  Since I take indiscriminate breaks; here, there, whenever and however long I please, while you wait patiently at your desk, click, click, clicking away to my same, terrible 'soc-hurt' title each day.  So I apologize to you, loyal readers, for the periods between my words of wisdom, the agonizing waiting, that I am all too familiar with thanks to that damn spring spaghetti.

Of course, I'm kidding.  I realize Becky is the only one reading this.  Love you, sis! ;)

Meanwhile, let's go cousin, give us a brand new recipe!!!

And here's what happens when animals get frustrated: